You could say that I'm sad that it didn't work out.
Now I'm left with that old familiar feeling of doubt. Doubt and the fear that I might not ever find what I'm looking for. Does it even exist?
You fall in love and you're supposed to be together forever. Well, that’s what I thought. It turns out that life and love are complicated and you can't always make it work. You can try and pray as much as you possibly can, but it doesn't always end with a happily ever after. It took me 22 years to find love and it took me a long time to accept the fact that what I wanted the most, wasn’t meant to be. Now what?
Bad dates. So many bad dates. Then great dates. Delicious dinners. Nice wine. Fancy vacations. At the end of all those dates (good or bad) I always find myself worrying. Analyzing everything. Over thinking and terrified that I'll end up with the wrong one. What if I choose the wrong person? It's not like a car, that can be switched out. Or a bad hair day that will eventually come to an end. It's your partner FOR LIFE. Heaven help me.
I’m not very good at taking the time to be social. Sure I have friends, but I've never been the type of girl to have someone around all the time. I don't think I really want someone around 24/7. My somewhat extreme independence means that when I'm in a serious relationship, that person is my best friend. When the relationship ends, I lose my best friend. I think that's the part that hurts the most. Well, that and realizing that not everyone has good intentions. Not everyone is honest. In a world of endless options, dating has become a bit like my dream wardrobe. Never-ending.
So this is where I am today. I need to keep these things in mind:
Trust in the Lord.
Trust in His plan.
Trust in His timing.
Don't doubt yourself.
Don't fall for someone's potential (if you've never listened to Danielle Bradbery’s song Potential, you need to).
Try to be more understanding and less selfish.
Dating is difficult, but I won't give up. Not yet. So, bring on the bad dates.
Last week I was able to attend the Gal Meets Glam Collection launch party here in Dallas. The event was held at the NorthPark Nordstrom. White drapes, flowers, pretty dresses, and tons of girls who look up to Julia just like I do. It was a wonderful night.
I arrived early and had time to find a mirror and look around a little before we were able to take our seats. Champagne was served while we waited for Julia's grand entrance. The first part of the evening included a Q&A with Julia. After the Q&A session pictures began. Everyone was able to take their picture with Julia and her husband Thomas. Which meant you had the opportunity to introduce yourself and congratulate her on the new line of dresses. I was nervous. I've never been the most bold person in the room, or the most talkative. I remember saying hello and honestly I couldn't tell you what was said after that. I don't think I've ever met anyone who I consider famous before this night. It was so incredibly cool! After pictures and hugs, I made my way to the flower cart and then stood in line for a fashion illustrator live drawing. Rongrong DeVoe was so sweet and looked adorable in her white Gal Meets Glam collection dress.
After the live drawing I made my way back to the car, called my Mom and then my boyfriend to tell them all about it. I left with the mindset that anything is possible. I couldn't ask for a better night.
I just listened to the following message on Pride:
Something I struggle with. I used to never take notes during sermons, and what's worse is that I would secretly judge those who did (she's such an over achiever/she's just doing that to look good). Now I sit here on a Sunday morning listening to a message on Pride and taking notes to share with you. Oh the Lord...and the ways that he works. God is good.
Sometimes I miss my church in Houston. The music. The location. The sermons. Oh and did I mention that the pastor is an Aggie? I have a church here in Dallas but it's not the same. Houston's First Baptist Church still feels like home. I was kind of missing the familiar on Sunday and decided to watch one of Gregg Matte's sermons online. Here's the link in case you're interested:
Click on Finding an Anchor in Our Anxiety and the video should come up.
The sermon was about fear and the different ways that fear can impact your life. Maybe you can't fall sleep. Maybe you wake up in the middle of the night worried. Maybe you have terrible headaches or back pain because of it. You have to find out what you're afraid of. Ask yourself. What am I so afraid of? Once you answer the question, give it to God. Gregg mentioned that we are fearful because of unbelief and the unknown. We worry because we think God isn't involved in a certain aspect of our life. We worry about tomorrow. What will happen? What won't happen? Will I be good enough? Will everything be ok? Give it to God. That's what I learned from the message yesterday. I'll let Gregg explain the anchor. Once you watch the sermon, you'll understand the need for an anchor.
Thanks for reading. I promise there are more fashion posts coming your way. This blog was built on my love for fashion, but I would be lying if I led anyone to believe that's all I care about. Posts like these are made in an effort to show you what else goes on in my life.
This week I want you to feel like you know the girl behind the blog. Now that there are people following my fashion blog who I don't know personally, it's important to me to continue to be relatable, open, and honest. It's my hope that you are able to see beyond the pretty pictures, beyond the pretty clothes and realize that I'm just a girl like everyone else. We probably have more in common than you think.
I thought I could share 5 facts about myself that you might not know:
1. Every time I get a haircut, I take a selfie and send it to my Mom so she can see. Maybe it's silly, but I just want her to see what it looks like.
2. I love this time of year because it means that the holidays are just around the corner. I'm trying to find the perfect pumpkin patch in Dallas. I have it narrowed down to three. My boyfriend thinks I'm kidding when I say we need to go to all three of them.
3. I don't like to cook. I would rather have cereal for dinner than spend a few hours cooking a meal after a long day at the office.
4. I am a CPA so most of my days are spent analyzing numbers and creating reports. It's about as far from the fashion world as one can be. I have always loved numbers and I'm thankful to get to go to work each day.
5. When I own a house one day I want all white furniture. My Mom and some of my friends say that's not practical but that's ok. One day I will have a house and the furniture will be white lol.
If you want, please share something about yourself that I might not know in the comments below. I would love to get to know you as well.
image via Gray Malin
Gray Malin's work is wonderful. I am not very interested in home
decor or art or photography but I am interested in every single Gray Malin piece. I think that if you're going to hang something in your home, it better be beautiful. It better mean something to you, and it better be worth the price tag. So many of the less expensive pieces of wall decor just don't look that great. You can tell they're cheap. I would rather save up for a piece that I really like than settling for something that isn't that pretty to begin with. Right now he's offering free shipping AND free framing on all prints. That's half off many of the smaller sized prints!! Check out their Insta page:
Use the following link to browse all of the artwork and perhaps purchase a piece of your own:
I'm going to a concert tomorrow night and need a cute picnic blanket to bring. I'm not outdoorsy so until today I had no idea how many cute options there are for people who like this sort of thing. If I'm going to be outside in the summertime in Texas, I might as well have a cute picnic blanket in tow. Shop some of my favs below:
I had a rough week last week and then a flat tire Friday night, but as soon as I got home all was well in the world. There's something about being back home. I feel safe and so sure of everything. When I'm home I remember how lucky I am to have such an amazing family. I was happy to get to spend Mother's Day with my family.
My Mom is the woman I want to be. On Sunday morning our pastor spoke about great Moms and how great Moms not only love their children, but they teach their children to love the Lord. My Mom loves me and she surely loves the Lord. I hope I can set the same example one day for my children and be able to love like she loves. When I was younger I noticed that my Mom was not like all the other Moms. She went above and beyond for us. Always. She didn't have to, but she did. Day after day. She is not only caring but she's strong. She isn't afraid to stand up for herself and for others. I wish I could be more like her. As I get older, I realize how lucky I am to have her in my life. She's my best friend.
"My Mother is the bones of my spine keeping me straight and true. She is my blood, making sure it runs rich and strong. She is the beating of my heart. I cannot imagine a life without her."
Thank you Mom, for everything. I love you.
I can’t think of anything that I want. Shoes, a new swimsuit, some new pants for work. Nothing sounds good today. Maybe I’m just in one of those moods. I haven’t posted anything personal in a while so I thought now was a good time to do so. Today’s topic: peace.
My grandma is one of those people who worries about everything. If there is a thunderstorm in Kansas, she will call me to make sure I’m fine. It’s a compliment I guess, that someone would worry about my wellbeing and safety. It seems a little silly or overboard, the things my grandma sometimes worries about, but I’m sure in her mind these are things worth keeping track of.
Just like my grandma, I am also one of those people who worries about everything. What to wear, what to eat. I worry about the safety of the ones I love. I worry about the unknown. I worry about the future. I like to be in control. I like plans, and knowing where I’m going and when. There are many things in life that are simply out of my control. I can try my best to force certain things and make certain decisions, but at the end of the day the Lord is always in control. I am not in the driver’s seat. This should make me happy, right? The Lord has it. He’s got this. He is the one calling the shots, he is the one making plans, and he knows every detail of every day. To top it all off, he loves me and only wants what is best for me. If all that is true, why in the world should I ever waste my time worrying? I know I shouldn’t. If I fully trusted in the Lord, I wouldn’t worry about the things that I do. Does that make me a sinner? For me, it’s a constant struggle.
How I manage it: Prayer. When something bothers me, or I start to feel afraid of what’s next I pray. I let him know how I feel and ask him to give me peace. I usually feel better after I pray. I can feel the nerves settle down and I can go back to being calm. Peace is something I chase. It’s what I want. I long for peace in my heart and in my mind. This last Sunday, a prayer of mine was answered. Something that I have been praying about for years. There were many moments where I thought “is this real?” There was relief. There was joy. There was excitement. There was peace. There were so many emotions. I didn’t want the day to end.
I hope that the next time I find myself worrying about something I can look back on last Sunday and remember that feeling of answered prayers. The feeling that the Lord is right here with me every step of the way. The feeling of love, overcome with emotion. I hope that you too can feel that type of peace. The feeling of answered prayers.
image via thewebster
Let me start by letting you know that the list is never ending. The list of things I want. I might as well be honest about it. What’s the point of this diary in digital form if it’s not raw or real? The things I want to wear, the makeup I want to try, the trip I want to take, the list goes on and on. I’m sure that to some that sounds superficial or selfish, but when the feeling of satisfaction is so rare in one’s life it can actually be a good thing. Of course it makes my shopping list much longer than most but it also keeps me from settling for anything less than the best. The best people: the best friends, the best members of my family, the best guys. I will always want the best. In every category of life. Or at least I hope so. The option of settling for anything less comes along daily, but what a sad story that would make. The girl who settled because she stopped believing. I refuse to be that girl. I believe that I deserve the best and you should too. If you don’t believe that you deserve the best, why should anyone feel the need to give you the best version of themselves?
I tried to think of 3 things (like I did last week) that I currently want the most. Out of all the dresses, all the shiny shoes what do I want the most right now? And as I tried to narrow it down and choose my top three to share these words kept crossing my mind “the best.” That’s what I want. So I do apologize if what you wanted was to find a list of sexy shoes and bronzer. I’ll have those next week. I had to write this. Mostly because I find the thought of channeling anger through exercise exhausting. And since I can't write lyrics like T Swift can, I turn to SometimeSaturday. I can’t share any details beyond what I've written thus far. The only one who hears those stories is my grandma. She laughs, and when she’s done laughing she will always ask “now, is he a college graduate?”
Be the best. You deserve the best. Settle for nothing less. Oh and get the shoes. Always get the shoes.