You could say that I'm sad that it didn't work out.
Now I'm left with that old familiar feeling of doubt. Doubt and the fear that I might not ever find what I'm looking for. Does it even exist?
You fall in love and you're supposed to be together forever. Well, that’s what I thought. It turns out that life and love are complicated and you can't always make it work. You can try and pray as much as you possibly can, but it doesn't always end with a happily ever after. It took me 22 years to find love and it took me a long time to accept the fact that what I wanted the most, wasn’t meant to be. Now what?
Bad dates. So many bad dates. Then great dates. Delicious dinners. Nice wine. Fancy vacations. At the end of all those dates (good or bad) I always find myself worrying. Analyzing everything. Over thinking and terrified that I'll end up with the wrong one. What if I choose the wrong person? It's not like a car, that can be switched out. Or a bad hair day that will eventually come to an end. It's your partner FOR LIFE. Heaven help me.
I’m not very good at taking the time to be social. Sure I have friends, but I've never been the type of girl to have someone around all the time. I don't think I really want someone around 24/7. My somewhat extreme independence means that when I'm in a serious relationship, that person is my best friend. When the relationship ends, I lose my best friend. I think that's the part that hurts the most. Well, that and realizing that not everyone has good intentions. Not everyone is honest. In a world of endless options, dating has become a bit like my dream wardrobe. Never-ending.
So this is where I am today. I need to keep these things in mind:
Trust in the Lord.
Trust in His plan.
Trust in His timing.
Don't doubt yourself.
Don't fall for someone's potential (if you've never listened to Danielle Bradbery’s song Potential, you need to).
Try to be more understanding and less selfish.
Dating is difficult, but I won't give up. Not yet. So, bring on the bad dates.